Re: I feel like a freak a lot of the time

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Posted by cindie on January 12, 203 at 20:26:18:

In Reply to: Re: I feel like a freak a lot of the time posted by Diane on January 12, 203 at 07:27:24:

This is a wonderful response. I printed it out for my NLD dgt. Thank you!
: It can be very difficult, can’t it? I used to sense something was wrong with the way other people reacted to me, but hadn’t a clue as to what it could be. I thought maybe it was because I was ugly, even though I am not. I am so close to “normal,” and strike others as bright and verbal, but I always disappoint in the end. And people do not understand–how could they? I barely understand.

: I liken having NLD to another disease from which I suffer, asthma. Before the new super-effective medications that have come out in the last couple of years, asthma was a constant restraint on my activities. I couldn’t rely on my body; if I pushed myself physically I would wind up at death’s door. Yet it is a relatively invisible disease to an observer, so I would frequently find myself judged as lazy, unadventurous, uncaring, etc. I was no fun to walk with, play tennis with, etc.

: By the same token, I am constantly attracting friends whom I would really like to keep, but they have to make all the overtures. I can’t think of anything to do with them, so I never issue invitations for creative activities. All I do well is talk on the phone. I seem insightful and caring, but then do not follow through normally. So, even though I have learned to be a good listener and to curb my own talking, I am not a very desirable friend for someone looking for a good time socially. When friends do persist, they often begin criticizing me and my family for not being more outgoing, or energetic, or whatever. I find that destructive and drop someone who takes this tact.

: The thing that has most helped me is to realize that I have a right to be myself. I have begun to see others on the whole as something a different species, like a chimpanzee troup. (As a group, their behavior has many parallels to chimp behavior.) Thus if you sense they see you as weird, it is they who are weird and different from you. You are the standard by which you should perceive the world.

: All you need is to find one or two people who are like you and who like you, and you are set. But to do this you have to like yourself and be yourself. Sure, you can work on your skills until you can distill the essence of any thought or situation. These are skills that you can learn and they do improve with practice if you just keep on plugging. But you have to go easy on yourself and love yourself as you are. If you have NLD, you have strengths which may take you longer to develop, but when you do they will be unique and valuable.

: As for people who seem to be supercritical, just realize they are in another reality. You can learn to deal with the others just as you would learn to deal with chimps if you worked in a zoo.

: Also, I have found that when I need help, people tend to accept the fact more readily if I preface it with “I am a little slow in understanding business situations…” or whatever, and if I ask for help before any time is wasted or damage is done. And I always ask them to write it down or let me write it down. That way I can reveiw it until it makes sense.

: Hope that helps. You’re not a freak–there are a lot of us out there.

: I have good verbal abilities but regularly underperform when it comes to ‘real life/practical situations.Simple manual tasks do not come easily.When i read something i can undertand the individual words but the overall content can be confusing.Iknow what to say in my head but getting it down on paper is difficult- how to arrange things,step from statement to another(used to hate precis because had difficulty what to omit what to keep).
: : I would love to have a web page but arranging the lay out/what goes where confuses me.
: : Socially i will speak if spoken to but do not know how to start a conversation/chat up lines are a foreign language to me.At school people use to think i was weird and now as an adult many people do.A lot of the time i feel different from other people and wonder whether i am reacting appropriately to situations because i am not always sure how i should respond.
: : A lot of the time i feel out of sync/confused by life/like a freak because of these and other things.

: : The trouble is over short periods other people see a verbally articulate person and think i do not have any problems so if i say i need help i am seen as being overly dependent/malingering/lazy/awkward etc.

: : It is so hard and yet people generally do not understand.

:
:

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Re: I feel like a freak a lot of the time sue mckay 19:42:07 1/18/3(0)

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: This is a wonderful response. I printed it out for my NLD dgt. Thank you!: : It can be very difficult, can’t it? I used to sense something was wrong with the way other people reacted to me, but hadn’t a clue as to what it could be. I thought maybe it was because I was ugly, even though I am not. I am so close to “normal,” and strike others as bright and verbal, but I always disappoint in the end. And people do not understand–how could they? I barely understand.: : I liken having NLD to another disease from which I suffer, asthma. Before the new super-effective medications that have come out in the last couple of years, asthma was a constant restraint on my activities. I couldn’t rely on my body; if I pushed myself physically I would wind up at death’s door. Yet it is a relatively invisible disease to an observer, so I would frequently find myself judged as lazy, unadventurous, uncaring, etc. I was no fun to walk with, play tennis with, etc.: : By the same token, I am constantly attracting friends whom I would really like to keep, but they have to make all the overtures. I can’t think of anything to do with them, so I never issue invitations for creative activities. All I do well is talk on the phone. I seem insightful and caring, but then do not follow through normally. So, even though I have learned to be a good listener and to curb my own talking, I am not a very desirable friend for someone looking for a good time socially. When friends do persist, they often begin criticizing me and my family for not being more outgoing, or energetic, or whatever. I find that destructive and drop someone who takes this tact.: : The thing that has most helped me is to realize that I have a right to be myself. I have begun to see others on the whole as something a different species, like a chimpanzee troup. (As a group, their behavior has many parallels to chimp behavior.) Thus if you sense they see you as weird, it is they who are weird and different from you. You are the standard by which you should perceive the world. : : All you need is to find one or two people who are like you and who like you, and you are set. But to do this you have to like yourself and be yourself. Sure, you can work on your skills until you can distill the essence of any thought or situation. These are skills that you can learn and they do improve with practice if you just keep on plugging. But you have to go easy on yourself and love yourself as you are. If you have NLD, you have strengths which may take you longer to develop, but when you do they will be unique and valuable.: : As for people who seem to be supercritical, just realize they are in another reality. You can learn to deal with the others just as you would learn to deal with chimps if you worked in a zoo. : : Also, I have found that when I need help, people tend to accept the fact more readily if I preface it with “I am a little slow in understanding business situations…” or whatever, and if I ask for help before any time is wasted or damage is done. And I always ask them to write it down or let me write it down. That way I can reveiw it until it makes sense. : : Hope that helps. You’re not a freak–there are a lot of us out there.: : : I have good verbal abilities but regularly underperform when it comes to ‘real life/practical situations.Simple manual tasks do not come easily.When i read something i can undertand the individual words but the overall content can be confusing.Iknow what to say in my head but getting it down on paper is difficult- how to arrange things,step from statement to another(used to hate precis because had difficulty what to omit what to keep).: : : I would love to have a web page but arranging the lay out/what goes where confuses me.: : : Socially i will speak if spoken to but do not know how to start a conversation/chat up lines are a foreign language to me.At school people use to think i was weird and now as an adult many people do.A lot of the time i feel different from other people and wonder whether i am reacting appropriately to situations because i am not always sure how i should respond.: : : A lot of the time i feel out of sync/confused by life/like a freak because of these and other things.: : : The trouble is over short periods other people see a verbally articulate person and think i do not have any problems so if i say i need help i am seen as being overly dependent/malingering/lazy/awkward etc.: : : It is so hard and yet people generally do not understand.: : : :

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